Dealing with Insecurities

Have you ever looked around and felt that everyone around you just seems to have it figured out, and you’re the only one that’s…not good enough. Before you notice, you are drowned in thoughts such as, “why can’t I be as good as them”, “I am such a failure”, and sooner or later, shame consumes you.

Then, you start overcompensating. You strive for perfection in everything you do. You won’t allow yourself to make mistakes. All these to seek approval from people around you, to search within your self-doubt a single piece of evidence that may prove otherwise. But the moment things don’t go as planned, you tear yourself down, and the self-esteem you worked so hard to build once again crumbles.

How do we deal with insecurities then?

Extreme insecurities stem from low self-esteem. Oftentimes, it is the result of recurrent negative experiences, being criticized, feeling rejected, or failing at something important, in your childhood, adolescence. We begin to interpret these experiences as “I am not good enough”. This message follows us into adulthood, and eventually became the lens through which we see everything.

While we cannot change the past, it may be worthy revisiting these negative experiences, and questioning the meaning we have assigned to them. Ask yourself, “when was the first time I felt this way? What happened? What message did I take from this? "

The meaning we assigned in the past may not be the only or correct interpretation. Ask then, “Was it truly me, or were there other factors?”

For example, if my parent was critical, was it because I was inadequate, or because they had their own struggles and expectations? Or because they were raised with the same harsh standards and hence did not know any better?

If I failed an exam or an interview, was I truly “a failure”, or was I simply too anxious, or unprepared? Which in this case does not make you a failure. It only meant that you have rooms for improvement, and you are still learning. How have we come to define ourselves based on every single fault that we have, rather than seeing ourselves as a whole? What about the times that we succeeded, and accomplished something meaningful?

Only when we could see beyond the label that we have put on ourselves - or those imposed by others, can we start healing our relationship with ourselves and rebuild our self-confidence.

Accept that you can’t be perfect

Beating yourself up for making mistakes, for not being better than everyone else, is like punishing yourself for not being perfect. But you can’t be perfect- that’s just the fact. Nobody is. You don’t need to out logic this.

The moment you tie your worth to perfection, you set yourself up for “failure”. Give yourself a break. Accept your insecurities, accept that you are not perfect, you make mistakes, and you mess up. And most importantly, understand that not being perfect does not mean you are not good enough.

When you make mistakes, instead of punishing yourself, and once again trapping yourself in the endless cycle of “I am incapable”, “I am a failure”, forgive yourself. Say, “that’s okay, how can I do better next time?”. You are human, and humans make mistakes. Trust in your ability to grow from your mistakes. Trust that you can come back stronger.

Don’t be so harsh on yourself. Don’t treat yourself the way those who once hurt you did. You deserve better- especially from yourself.

Does self-acceptance mean becoming complacent?

Of course not. Self-acceptance means embracing your flaws and weaknesses, accepting that you are enough as you are, while also acknowledging your capacity to grow and improve. Remember, you do not have to be harsh on yourself to improve. Let self-love be the fuel that drives you through life, rather than the fear of making mistakes.

Insecurities are not necessarily a bad thing

When kept in check, insecurities push us to strive for better. They only become harmful when they overpower us, tearing us down more than lifting us up. The next time you feel insecure, remind yourself that it’s natural. It doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you care. The key is to keep them in balance, using them as a guide for growth rather than self-sabotaging.